so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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