just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
