Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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