One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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