i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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