my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
