I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
NoShamevember. You game?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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