You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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