Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
