My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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