there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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