your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
