at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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