it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
