Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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