one might say we're banned from that church
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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