i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
