well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
