May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
