They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize