I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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