The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
