I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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