Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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