My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
