It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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