my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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