He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
