I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
