i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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