Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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