the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You dont lie about slip and slides
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
