I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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