PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
