Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
