We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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