I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
