someone threw a dead crab at me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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