My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
