I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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