We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
