i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
