I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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