And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
