Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She announced her abortion via fbk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
