PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
