can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
