I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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