he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My balls are so social today.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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