The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
