I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
