she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize