I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
