i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
