You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
