why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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