i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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