dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
