the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
