he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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