I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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