Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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