Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
