I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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