i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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